life with E.

I think I'm going to start a new series here, which I am going to call "Life with E."

E lives a secret life fraught with danger and inexplicable disaster, whereby her hair is dyed orange and set on fire, her bike is stolen by mongolian midgets, and she inadvertently smushes a little-known but endangered bug on a forest conservation fund-raising hike. Within the span of a week. (Okay, those examples are a bit of an exaggeration. But close.)

This is not to say that life with E is one of hapless mis-adventure. E is in no way hapless. She has an uncanny ability to sniff out bargains, beat out inhuman bureaucracies, and has been known to orchestrate small-scale corporate take-downs in her free time. No, it's not that E is incapable of managing the ordinary day-to-day of the universe. It's that the universe, in often extraordinary ways, is simply out to get her.

My life with E has been one of many emergency room visits. Punctuated by review of the occasional police report. For all of that, I love her with all my heart.

So, internet. Installment one of Life with E:

Last week, on a short ski trip and in the middle of my first ride up the lift, I pick up my cell phone to hear E's voice: "I hate to bother you, but if you were trapped on the hotel balcony in your underwear, would you call housekeeping, or the front desk?"

Ah, life with E.