angry sausage.
So what nobody told me about being pregnant is that the first half of it pretty much sucks. Ass.
Yes, yes, I realize that everyone is different and that it is always a unique experience. But let me just say that for me? It was a bleary, slow four months of barely making it out of bed and barfing. A lot.
The very best gift that I received for my 30th birthday was in fact a large bucket of philipino-brand saltine crackers, individually wrapped in packages of four.
There are these hormones which apparently take over your body and ooze out your pores. You can smell everything. And everything smells. Bad. Bad, bad. People are constantly asking you how you're doing and expecting you to express joy at your good news. When all you really want to do is punch them (for no good reason, really) and take a nap.
On top of which, I discovered that throughout these four months, you slowly get just fat enough to feel like a sausage in pretty much every piece of clothing you own. It is a stage of my life we have come to kindly refer to as Miwa's "angry sausage period."
K: How are you feeling?
Me: Suck it.
All the barfing and wanting to stab people around you with something sharp? This is really what they should have in those teen pregnancy safe sex ads. Kids, this? It could happen to you.
Yes, yes, I realize that everyone is different and that it is always a unique experience. But let me just say that for me? It was a bleary, slow four months of barely making it out of bed and barfing. A lot.
The very best gift that I received for my 30th birthday was in fact a large bucket of philipino-brand saltine crackers, individually wrapped in packages of four.
There are these hormones which apparently take over your body and ooze out your pores. You can smell everything. And everything smells. Bad. Bad, bad. People are constantly asking you how you're doing and expecting you to express joy at your good news. When all you really want to do is punch them (for no good reason, really) and take a nap.
On top of which, I discovered that throughout these four months, you slowly get just fat enough to feel like a sausage in pretty much every piece of clothing you own. It is a stage of my life we have come to kindly refer to as Miwa's "angry sausage period."
K: How are you feeling?
Me: Suck it.
All the barfing and wanting to stab people around you with something sharp? This is really what they should have in those teen pregnancy safe sex ads. Kids, this? It could happen to you.
posted by m at 2:49 AM
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