And yet more E.

(The following post involves E trying to catch a feral parrot and may slightly offend both Mark Bittner and fans of synchronized swimming.)

E's world is organized by long lists of specific minutiae and odd categories, culled from little bits of information she gleans, mostly from the internet. Lists like "Gross But Fascinating" (includes bot flies, peeling sunburns, Britney Spears) and "Things I'm Not Sure Have Eyes" (earthworms, amoebas).

"So a pickle is REALLY a cucumber?" she asks.
"It's a pickled cucumber," I reply.

And then witness her filing this fact under: "Similar to Previously Noted Relationship between Grapes and Raisins."

(For me, this entire process falls under: "Things I Love about E.")

I bring this up, because E has been getting very bent lately on native and non-native species--zealously observing and mentally placing common organisms into the categories: "Non-native" (must eliminate) and "Native" (must preserve).

So, E stumbles upon what she describes as "a NON-NATIVE parrot" (!!) in the bushes outside her apartment the other day. ("Non-native." Most eliminate.) E is not, it should be said, really a bird person.

She tries to get close enough to take a picture while mentally calculating the likelihood that the bird is also a vicious non-native BITING parrot, when the bird turns to her, and calmly says, "Hello."

She almost pees in her pants.

This story, as she recounts it, concludes with her attempting to report the presence of creepy NON-NATIVE talking-and-possibly-vicious-biting parrot to a police officer and calling someone at the Nature Conservancy to see if she should have the parrot eliminated.

"Should I kill it? I don't think I can kill it."

In the end, she decides that the talking feral parrot--while creepy--is probably not ecologically detrimental. And is spared.

Talking non-native parrots are consequently filed as: "Mostly Harmless and Slightly Less Creepy Than Synchronized Swimmers." (also includes Hanson, dogs with shoes.)